Here’s 5 reasons this week has me in a mild gay panic:

1-Carlos Alcaraz Gets Cornrows

What is it with white tennis players and the need to get cornrows? The cultural appropriation is bad enough, but it also never. looks. good. And I’ve stood by Carlos even when Twitter drags Victor Barber to Lindsey Graham in hell and back.

In the words of Tyra Banks, we were all rooting for your return, Carlos. The ATP needs you more than ever. I should be focusing on how you’re finally hitting forehands, but instead I’m praying to Britney Spears that you take them out by the US Open.

Carlos joins a long lineage of white players to rock cornrows, from Kuznetsova to Pliskova to Osatpenko and most recently, Flavio Cobolli. Make it stop.

And Cobolli was already on thin ice at TGTP HQ because of his performance in the Wimbledon QFs, which made him sashay away during our RuPaul’s Drag Race x Wimbledon recap episode.

2-Sabalenka Reveals a Practice Kit Under a Tennis Net

A friend of mine once described his body as “a pile of sand under a tarp”. And while Sabalenka’s body is a slay, and she looks better than my troll ass will ever look, the saying immediately came to mind when I saw her new kit. It’s not a pile of sand nor a tarp. But it’s a practice kit under a net.

When will Nike do right by her? Maybe in 2027. I just hope she can play in it, because I can’t tell from the video she posted.

3-Giron Goes Down to Someone Named Cruz

Our friend David Kane likes to say that Marcos Giron’s IG comments are the safest place on the internet. Everyone’s happy there. And multiple listeners sent me videos of him in his Vuori kit in DC (thank you!). He was giving the DC heat a run for its money 🔥

But the views didn’t last long.

The American world #85 and hard court specialist with a warm smile and killer legs went down meekly 6-3 6-4 to 17 year-old Cruz Hewitt. Yes, that’s Lleyton Hewitt’s son who just made the junior Wimbledon final. And as I said in multiple episodes from Wimbledon, he was playing great tennis and one of my favorite watches of the week.

Cruz plays nothing like his father (the 2000s ATP version of Caroline Wozniacki). His forehand is dynamic and he’s not afraid to attack the net...there’s a lot to like, as commentators would say. But Cruz was ranked around 600 in the world. Giron, with all his experience, didn’t break serve once. The WTA girlies would never.

To hand Cruz, and yes, I will sidebar here to remind you that I have a personal vendetta against the name Cruz. Jax and Brittany from Vanderpump Rules (the two most unlikable human beings on a show full of terrorists) named their son Cruz. I had to hear Brittany say it more times than Trump has mentioned Dylan Mulvaney. Annnnyways, Giron handed Cruz an easy straight sets win for his first ATP main draw win.

I know gay fans everywhere are hoping Giron improves his level before the US Open.

4-Alexandrova Falls Ova

That heading was inappropriate and embarrassing. I’m sorry.

My favorite power player with little personality, Ekaterina Alexandrova, collapsed while playing in 97 degree heat in Memphis this week.

Alexandrova collapsed on court late in the third set and had to be taken off court in a wheelchair. Scary stuff. A rough year seems to be getting worse for my fave.

Perhaps this is warning sign for everyone: There’s no need to visit Memphis.

And E-Kat, my offer to join your team still stands. I will get you to pull up that high ponytail and get back to crushing the girls. DM me.

5-Taylor Townsend Playing Mixed Doubles with Zverev

Some of my favorite memories of Taylor Townsend are from when she played mixed doubles with Ben Shelton at the US Open. Pure joy.

Is he injured? Not interested? Was there no other man with a racket? Girl, I’m a fem gay with a shaky second serve, but I’m available. Why on Earth would Taylor choose tennis public enemy #1, Alexander Zverev, as her partner? She’s an American ranked #2 in the world in doubles, surely she had other options, right? I don’t know for sure. But in a tournament that leans into the fun and flashy, AZ is NOT the partner I expected for her.

There is good news for a few pod faves this week though: Asics continues to do right by Lorenzo Musetti. Musetti is back after missing months with injury, and he’s won two matches. More importantly, he’s in a fabulous purple kit.

Oh, and his shirtless pics from a recent vacation showed no sock tan line, implying that he hadn’t been playing much. So this form right after a long layoff is great news.

If we can get Musetti, Fils (who also came back this week) and a cornrow-less Carlos Alcaraz back healthy and playing well? The ATP may have a chance to save face this US Open. I can’t wait to find out!

And she’s been such a bright spot. She’s a must-watch when on the grounds of any tournament - whether it’s singles, doubles or mixed.

It’s not just the power. It’s the facial expressions. The laughing. The...positivity? Brennan told me she seemed like a dream mixed doubles partner. And I agree. Through all her idiosyncrasies, she’s a ball basher who can hang with anyone. And she *usually* keeps her sass to her opponents.

She also spends more time than any other player taking pictures and signing autographs for fans. I even got a picture with her around the press center.

She’s been the best kept secret of this year’s tournament. That is, until her mixed doubles match against Laura Siegemund and Roger-Vasselin. Now the secret is officially out. Penko did it again.

UPDATE 7/9/26: Jelena Ostapenko literally won Wimbledon! Her and Marcelo Arevalo won the mixed doubles title!!! She’s now a three-time slam champ (one in singles, one in women’s doubles and one in mixed. She is the moment!

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled programming…

THE MOMENT

Here’s what happened: Penko and Marcelo Arevalo took the first 6-4. Not a ton of drama.

Things got closer in the second set. In the tiebreak, Siegemund got BACK TO BACK time violations, which caused her to lose her first serve at 7-7 in the tiebreak (!!). Then she DOUBLE FAULTED 😳

That's when Siege took to the umpire's chair to complain that, among other things, Penko had been catching her ball tosses all match and never got a warning. But then the *first* time (LOL) that she went over on time, she got called for it.

Raise your hand if you believe that was the first time Siege went over on time. I can see from here there are zero hands.

Note: Wimbledon removed all videos of this from social media, so you’ll just have to trust my reporting from here xoxo.

Anyways, Penko and Arevalo won the next point and the match 6-4 7-6 (7).

That’s when the fun really got started. I’ve gathered the most fun tweets about of the situation so you don’t have to scroll through that hell hole of an app:

1-There was no handshake between Penko and Siege. Siege’s partner Roger-Vasselin also hesitated before shaking Penko’s hand. Insert eye roll.

2-There’s conversation Penko is having TO the chair umpire in front of Siege and Roger-Vasselin. There's really nothing more fun than trashing someone behind their back AND to their face at the same time. Perfection. And then Siege runs away:

Here’s my unofficial transcription of what Penko was saying:

Penko: It’s a very good rule. You did a great job setting an example....someone who isn’t afraid to do that (give Siegemund a violation).

Roger-Vasselin, who clearly hears her, says “what?”

Penko, turning to him: “Somebody is not afraid to do that. When she’s taking like 2 minutes between serves. And before the serve. And everyone knows this. Note: Siege runs away like a gay ghosting his friends at a bar at this point.

The only time I’ve seen Siegemund run faster is when the sprinklers accidentally came on and sprayed her (also at Wimbledon!! Maybe there *is* a Wimbledon conspiracy against her).

3-Here’s Penko, smiling with glee, talking to Roger Vassellin about the toss-catching accusations:

TLDR: Siegemund was Siegemund-ing and Penko was Penko-ing. And anyone who has ever watched a tennis match before was on Penko’s side.

Since I’m a toxic gay, there are a few other random facts I’d like to share surrounding the incident.

Siege Getting Pegged by Penko

Importantly, this is now the second time the Siege has been struck by a ball this year during a Penko match. First, by Penko herself in a direct hit at the Australian Open.

And before all the other drama took center stage, she also got hit (less aggressively) by Penko’s mixed partner yesterday. I think it’s safe to say Siegemund is ready to move on from Penko matches in 2026.

Sponsorships

The best part? Penko has picked up a TK Maxx sponsorship (that’s Europe’s version of TJ Maxx for Americans). And it was plastered across her chest during the entire situation. Great move, TK Maxx.

This comes after she was temporarily sponsored by Tesco, a fast food chain here in London earlier this tournament.

Get your bag, Penko! Whether it’s from winning matches, slapping on temporary sponsorships or through your cult online following. As for Siegemund, I know she’s sick and tired of this damn tournament.

I’m just glad we all know Penko is undoubtedly the MVP at this year’s Wimbledon.

Bianca’s right, she’s worn her hair in the top bun/ponytail combo long before Summer House’s new enemy #1 Amanda Batula or Norwegian World Cup star Erling Haaland started wearing the knock-off version. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?

The controversial new version, called the “bunnytail” or “Batula bun”, first sparked conversation when Batula wore the casual hair style for the highly-anticipated Summer House season 10 reunion. Yes, the same Summer House that Madison Keys has been talking about for months. The popular Bravo TV show became engulfed in controversy when co-star Ciara Miller discovered that her former friend and co-star Batula was secretly dating her ex, West Wilson, who was also friends with Batula’s ex-husband, Kyle Cooke. All of these crazy “kids” film the popular reality tv show together each summer. Put simply: Batula broke girl code badly, and the mostly female audience is out for blood. Put in tennis terms, they want a 6-0 6-0 thrashing. Think Serena vs Maria.

To be clear, Bianca Andreescu, the OG bunnytail creator, wears the hairstyle as it should be: With the knot on top and ponytail falling down behind it. It’s not exactly the same as the controversial bun that has reality tv fans debating online. And the “Bianca bun” as I’ve now coined it, is perfect for athletics (see World Cup, Wimbledon), perhaps not as appropriate for a heavily-produced reunion show for one of the most popular shows on TV.

Batula’s bun came to represent the lack of effort she put into the reunion, something that enraged viewers who were looking for her to take accountability for her actions. I could talk about the scandal, dubbed “Sc-Amanda”, for at least 8 hours straight. But that’s not why we’re here.

We’re here because I’m covering my first Wimbledon! And Bianca was the first player I requested to interview. Why? As I watched her, looking fit and happy on court, easily beat Polona Hercog (yes, that Polona Hercog) 6-4 6-2 in her first round at qualifying, I couldn’t help but notice how much she played with her hair.

And because I’m always thinking about Summer House, I noticed the similarities (and differences) between her style and the “Batula bun”. Was Bianca aware of Amanda Batula? Did she know about the Summer House drama and how that hairstyle has become such a conversation-starter online?

Considering she has a real life (unlike me), her answer was no. Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: You have your signature bun that you’re wearing. I have two questions about your hair…

Bianca (interrupting me, playfully pulling at her hair): It’s a mess right now!

Me: Ok, well that hairstyle has become very popular in America recently.

Bianca: Has it? Ok.

Me: Yes, because of Amanda Batula from Summer House wearing it and a bunch of European World Cup players. So two questions (1) How did you start wearing your hair like that and (2) Are you aware of any of the online discourse around this bun?

Bianca: Recently, no. I don’t know anything that’s going around. But I do know that at least on the tennis tour, I was kinda the first to wear it like this. So that was cool. And the reason I wear it like this is because it’s super easy to put up and I know it might get messed up easily. But I kinda like that because it gives me time to think about something else when I’m on court. So there’s a purpose to it.

Me: Love it. Thank you.

Bianca: No problem.

Was my question supposed to be fun? Obviously. But I actually think her answer got into the mind of a tennis player: She likes that the hair comes undone and she has to fix it. It helps keep her mind on something else besides tennis, and I imagine, it helps with nerve control and match management.

Just like in life, I’m more basic than Bianca. My on-court mind tricks are slightly different. I adjust my strings constantly. I love to stare at them like it’s their fault after I miss. In my head, I went to the school of Maria Sharapova: Turn my back to the court, adjust my strings and reset for the next point. In reality, I’m playing like shit and blaming my strings.

I was admittedly nervous about talking to a player at Wimbledon for the first time. Sure, I’ve interviewed players and chatted with notable LGBT figures (that feels too official, but you get it). But this is Wimbledon. And I didn’t want to fuck up my opportunity on day two. Luckily, my nerves evaporated a lot faster than my sweat (it was 90 degrees and my Airbnb doesn’t have AC)! The second Bianca came striding into the media tent, her vibes were immaculate, as they say.

Let me be clear: Bianca Andreescu is *that* girl. I had never met her in person, but her aura hit me immediately. Light. Funny. Confident. The kinda girl I want to have a drink with at a gay bar. The kinda girl who *would* have a drink at a gay bar (if she wasn’t competing in the biggest tennis tournament on Earth). I’ve interacted with a lot of tennis players, and few of them come off as real and likable as she did.

As for her first qualifying match, she felt good about that too. During our roundtable, she told reporters “I think I did pretty good (handling Hercog’s game).” Unlike Batula at the Sumer House reunion, Andreescu showed up for her match and performed.

My final take: Bianca’s version of the bunnytail is a slay, especially for playing tennis. Now those knock-offs? Let’s keep them for a soccer field and not a Bravo TV reunion show.

I just hope to see Bianca and her Bianca bun playing well this summer. Tennis (and more importantly, my experience as press) is better with her around.